The Myth of Divorcing Parents
By Worth Kilcrease
The death of a child seems one of the most tragic experiences for humans to endure. Grief counselor, Worth Kilcrease, certified in thanatology, enlightens readers about the effect on the parents' marriage
Myth Five of Five Common Myths of Mourning
Parents Most Likely Will Get a Divorce If Their Child Dies
Fact: This myth is probably based on the realization that the death of a child does put a large amount of stress on the parents’ relationship. This leads to the common misconception that parents who have lost a child are more likely to get a divorce. That is not necessarily true. Instead, all research that focuses on how parents cope with the death of their child shows that the death does not cause a divorce, it intensifies the nature of the relationship the parents already had.
Bereaved couples and individuals who are open and supportive of each other before the death can develop an even stronger relationship because of the death. They lean on each other for support as they strive to make meaning, both individually and as a couple, of the death. Neither one tries to avoid the pain, but mourns in his/her own particular way. They recognize that each of them may mourn differently – the father is probably more instrumental and the mother probably more intuitive – and they allow for those differences.
On the other hand, couples who are historically distant from each other and do not share their feelings and thoughts are more likely to have trouble after their child dies. One or both do not appreciate the uniqueness of the other’s grieving style and may say or think, “He/She obviously didn’t love our child as much as I do since (s)he isn’t grieving as much as I am.” This judgmental approach tends to drive a wedge between the two parents. In addition, if either parent tries to avoid the pain of the loss, that only drives them further apart. Sadly, couples whose relationship was rocky before the death of their child will probably find it worsened after the death. Without significant work to keep it together, the marriage can deteriorate so far that it ends in divorce – another major loss in each of the parent’s lives and in the lives of any of their other children.
Worth Kilcrease is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a certified Fellow in Thanatology practicing end-of-life, bereavement and grief counseling in Austin, Texas. In his work, he focuses on being an experienced companion to those who are on the final pilgrimage of their lives, those caring for them, and those on a journey of rebuilding their world after the death of a loved one or after any other significant loss. Visit this bereavement counselor's profile, his grief counseling website, and blog, In Due Course, information and questions/answers about death, dying, bereavement, grief, and mourning.
Visit Feel Good Austin for more of Worth's grief articles and see these events listings for information on Worth's grief support groups.
Parents Most Likely Will Get a Divorce If Their Child Dies
Fact: This myth is probably based on the realization that the death of a child does put a large amount of stress on the parents’ relationship. This leads to the common misconception that parents who have lost a child are more likely to get a divorce. That is not necessarily true. Instead, all research that focuses on how parents cope with the death of their child shows that the death does not cause a divorce, it intensifies the nature of the relationship the parents already had.
Bereaved couples and individuals who are open and supportive of each other before the death can develop an even stronger relationship because of the death. They lean on each other for support as they strive to make meaning, both individually and as a couple, of the death. Neither one tries to avoid the pain, but mourns in his/her own particular way. They recognize that each of them may mourn differently – the father is probably more instrumental and the mother probably more intuitive – and they allow for those differences.
On the other hand, couples who are historically distant from each other and do not share their feelings and thoughts are more likely to have trouble after their child dies. One or both do not appreciate the uniqueness of the other’s grieving style and may say or think, “He/She obviously didn’t love our child as much as I do since (s)he isn’t grieving as much as I am.” This judgmental approach tends to drive a wedge between the two parents. In addition, if either parent tries to avoid the pain of the loss, that only drives them further apart. Sadly, couples whose relationship was rocky before the death of their child will probably find it worsened after the death. Without significant work to keep it together, the marriage can deteriorate so far that it ends in divorce – another major loss in each of the parent’s lives and in the lives of any of their other children.
Worth Kilcrease is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a certified Fellow in Thanatology practicing end-of-life, bereavement and grief counseling in Austin, Texas. In his work, he focuses on being an experienced companion to those who are on the final pilgrimage of their lives, those caring for them, and those on a journey of rebuilding their world after the death of a loved one or after any other significant loss. Visit this bereavement counselor's profile, his grief counseling website, and blog, In Due Course, information and questions/answers about death, dying, bereavement, grief, and mourning.
Visit Feel Good Austin for more of Worth's grief articles and see these events listings for information on Worth's grief support groups.
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