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The Myth of Time
By Worth Kilcrease photo by John Lindsey
Grief Process
"Time heals all wounds." Sounds comforting, but is it really helpful? Grief counselor, Worth Kilcrease, certified in thanatology, writes about death and mourning and why action is more in the grief process.
Myth Three of Five Common Myths of Mourning
With Time, Everything Will Be Okay
Fact: As a counselor who specializes in end-of-life and bereavement matters, I often hear of bereaved people being given advice similar to “you just need some time, after all ‘time heals all wounds.’” It is as if these well-meaning people are saying: “Just sit back and in time you’ll no longer have the sadness, anguish, yearning, guilt, anger, and fear you’re feeling now. They’ll fade away, and you’ll be fine.” Wow! What an interesting concept!
While putting your life back together after a death doesn’t happen instantaneously, that doesn’t mean that time alone will make everything all right. Suppressing grief, taking drugs or alcohol to numb out grief, keeping distracted from grief with work or other activities, or trying to soothe grief by replacing the deceased loved one (this is especially common after a perinatal loss or death of a spouse/partner) occurs over time, but it doesn’t make everything “okay.”
Besides, the “you just need some time” approach to grieving raises a couple of questions. First off, how long is enough time? Two months, one year, two years, five years? The second question is why doesn’t this apply to the rest of our lives? After all, we have to look for a new job, search for the right house, study to get through school. Even if we want to win the lottery, we still have to buy the ticket. We have to take the initiative to do something to cause something else to happen. Is grief different? Can it really be true that time alone is enough for grief to go away? No, it’s not. Time doesn’t heal, it’s what you DO with the time that heals!
Worth Kilcrease is a Licensed Professional Counselor and a certified Fellow in Thanatology practicing end-of-life, bereavement and grief counseling in Austin, Texas. In his work, he focuses on being an experienced companion to those who are on the final pilgrimage of their lives, those caring for them, and those on a journey of rebuilding their world after the death of a loved one or after any other significant loss. Visit this bereavement counselor's profile, his grief counseling website, and blog, In Due Course, information and questions/answers about death, dying, bereavement, grief, and mourning.
Visit Feel Good Austin for more of Worth's grief articles and see these events listings for information on Worth's grief support groups.
